I think that sometimes, we take things for granted. I’ve come to agree that usually people will indeed act a fool with what they have and not appreciate things that are in their hands or things that are theirs.
When you decide to do something. Think.. Are you really going to get anything from what are about to do. Is it a guarantee? Like how many of you out there is sure that the risk you take will pay off? I have experience or have seen countless of people taking risks and usually it doesnt pays off. The funny thing is that most of this risks involve losing something to gain another and this, is really fucked up.
I should know. I did it before and it sure as hell is something that I regret but at the same time, we all learn from the shits we do or get. If the phrase ‘what goes around comes back around’ then hell i’m pretty sure I’m doing a good job.
I cheated on my ex and end up my girlfriend cheated on me. Fair enough? I do think that that shit was fair. Me cheating and getting cheated at. And then comes the fucked up part. They say karma has a way of biting people in the ass. hmmmm. Then karma must have really tear me a new asshole cause I’ve always end up on the bad side. Unlucky or whatever you call it, This is me ranting out my bad luck on love. 4 years. 5 dates. All fucked up. So, I think now its my turn to return this fucked up karma placed on me to others. I feel that its a fair deal. I didnt do shit but apparently shit do me. So now, I do shit to others.
And somehow, after doing ‘karma’,i realise that I actually didnt like it. I kinda realise how much of an asshole/player like/ matrep mentality like/ fucking hell the list goes on, on what I’m doing. So I stop. And now the one that I’m tumbling over is moving away. So now what? Should I wait? Chances are she will be gone for 5 years more or less . Am I to wait that long? Best still is that how sure am I that I will get her? HaH! Now I’m caught in a dilemma. I’ve always been sure about who I fall for. I cant remember when was the last time that I’m caught in a situation where I am the one forced to let go.. Long distance relationship is just absolutely crappy..
Last night phone call simply made my week i think. But in a way, god damn this just makes the inevitable more painful.. The more I think about it, the more I cant bare with it. This sucks.. How can I continue to fall and try to get her knowing damn well that this is a mistake. Heck it was already a mistake from the start. She already show signs of pushing me away. Haha, and yet I know somehow that she feels the same. She just dont want me to feel fucked up when she goes away…
How I really hate this part, this situation now… In a way, I’m already trying to walk away. Difficult yes but it is necessary. I cant sit here and watch her leave with my feelings pin on her. No. I guess I just have to withdraw from this.. I cant stand another letdown. Too painful. Too much to bare in a year. I know too that she knows we cant be together. Her life is already fucked up and I’m somewhat part of that reason.. i have to be that better person to leave so that it will be easier for her.. 
how I hate this decision..
I have to go now before it’s too late. I’ll be there for you just as a friend. Nothing more..
May god bless you bacen. Good bye.
Decisions decisions decisions ~
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