I just got back home. Im totally lazy to fucking go school. Cant really remember when i entered class or what my class is. yes it has been that long. Crap im sooo screwed.

Watched new moon today and fuck yeah it’s kinda….. Boring!!! i mean fuck i thought like it would be like wow but it turns out to be zzzzzz. Waste my fucking money. Honestly this is what i think when i see the word werewolf and vampires

• blood
• meat
• sex
• more blood
• people getting killed
• totally cool actions
• cool guns
• leather
• and lastly MORE BLOOD
• Females, like totally hot females

its not that im sick in the brain about blood or anything but its kinda hard to get that mindset of it out since my first exposure to vampires and werewolf was like in blade and underworld and van [im not sure how to spell] heilsing.

So fuck yeah i was totally disappointed. and im so not going to read to book or watch any twilight series again unless im drag to watch it with my friends or the show promise to show some female skin. Fucking hell like half of the damn show i was watching jacob half naked. What the fuck am i? Gay?! shessh i mean i was like whining with rizal about the lack of female skin and it kinda doesnt help that beside us, imah and amelia is totally drooling over jacob. W-T-F

Ouh and for those who are running or helping out in standard charted, do show some support by watching US [ bantus batucada ] perform at the padang. Till then, Adeus~

ouh and  think i got selected for national… I think cause i got this weird message asking me to come down. Fabolouso~

Operation Concuss

Right My bad for the long absence. I actually wanted to blog last week but it didnt happen.

So whats up this week. Well for starters, on monday i got to meet bacen like after 8 days? or 7, but i cant really remember. All I know was that it was a good morning for me i guess. Then things get kinda shitty after that. Got fucked my Zaini [no homo lar cb, got a scolding] cause we were fooling around when we had our preview. Blah blah blah I dont really wanna talk about the bad stuff.

This week marks the end of the reflection period. Honestly I was hoping that the closing bash was actually done by the juniors since afterall, reflection is actually the best time to expose them to doing a performance in school under zaini. In my point of view,  whether good or bad or how tremendously i really think that he is gay, the dude is one hell of a director. Expects the best from you and he is a perfectionist plus he can do this critical thinking which is actually something great cause he thinks not only from his perspective but others as well.  It really is a great experience in my point of view.

But…

it didnt happen. End up we had to use the original 5 which is me, awang/game freak, rizal/greek god,kero/yellow man and syukri/mr man hunt 1999. Well i mean it cant be that bad. afterall i think that the best dudes to have around to go through shit together is them.

but…

shit happens and awang didnt perform and greek god kinda screwed his hand so then came the replacements which was faris/fluffy and hafiz/… okay crap i dont really know what to call hafiz so we just stick to hafiz then. Anyway, I be frank, losing awang and rizal is probably shitty cause this 2 are fucking awesome capoeirista and fluffy and hafiz aren’t the same standard BUT! this two are fucking hilarious! I mean all four are great but in their own ways. So overall it was good. The five of us kept each other laughing and as fucking tiring [its tiring. like extremely because we keep having events week after week like opening reflection, batizado and closing of reflection] as it is, I dont regret doing it. Only regret I have is that I having been coming school. Fucked-.-

Anyway, there are some points that are interesting during this week

• Tasha?[ Okay she was the emcee of the closing bash and hmmm she was kinda clingy to me? I dont know. I wont say that I hate it BUT i will say that i wont want or need or like her. I prefer bacen waaay more.
• Women in the Red dress. Oh my god damn she is hot. She wore this dress and I was stun/shock/amaze/wow-ed and wow-ed. My mouth drop like it never has. Fabolouso. yearp that was how good she look. And yeah she got this super sweet smile.  Macam nak Pitam uh [note that eye candys should only remain as eye candys. Nothing More.]
• BACEN. I really think I’m gonna lose the bet  but I aint giving up. Nuff Said.

Anyway, Next week is a new week and hopefully I’ll be done with the bet soon enough. It’s killing me!!! And i really really really really like really need to get back in class. And fuck! my slipper got stolen. Lucky got another…

Adeus~

I’m not asking you to shoot somebody, but if somebody tries to shoot you, you go shoot that somebody- 50 Cent

Yeah 50 new album already out in Itunes and already top it. So whoever said he lost it can go screw himself. The guy is still a beast when he spit. Cant wait for the album to hit the stores cause i’m definitely buying it. WooooWeeeeee…

Anyway, Yesterday FINALLY WENT TO TRAINING. Felt good. But at the same time i feel really rusty. Like im not sharp as before if you know what i mean. But hey it’s okay. I’m not stressing cause I know I will get better. No its not overconfident, its just I belief in myself a little more when it comes to this then other stuff. Plus Yuan Xi said that there is a competition in January so i’m not sure if I would or could join infact.. Maybe I should ask if I could cause If there is one thing that would motivate my ass to train is definately when there is a competition..

Fuck it. I wont want to think of that now. Now All I can think about is Batizado.Today would mark the first day of the workshops and batizado is on Saturday. And the best part: Batizado is at RP south agora. So if anyone wanna see good capoeira players and cool dudes with cool moves, do come down to provide good energy and also you know what they say: The more the merrier.

Okay Adeus~

its Coming

Yes batizado is coming. Actually its this week. I’m pretty sure im not worry bout it cause…. well i shouldn’t lar. what else. Anyway, in a way i cant wait for it. Finally i can get my ranking and hopefully go far with Capoeira. Hopefully…

Anyway, I’m planning to go world drum night and I’m damn sure it’s gonna be a blast. Plus, keeping my fingers cross maybe it could be better then great for some reasons. Hmmmmm….

I need to get in a gym. Like seriously. I mean not go to a gym and work out. I mean go to a proper Kickboxing gym so that I can really improve. As much as i like capoeira, I still prefer kickboxing sometimes. I guess that its just that thrill in which you can let loose and just throw some hurt. Belief me, doing this actually helps me keep my temper down. Which you prefer, me being yan or me just wave away any stress that bothers me…

Ouh damn Yan’s birthday is coming. Shit and im broke. Yippi -.-

The Haunted

Why does a skeleton dance alone?

 

You know. . I belief that sometimes you must listen to what your mind says. But at times, it is best that you listen to elders. I aint that old and i’m not that ignorant to think that im a genius.. I usually listen to advices that those super close to me [ my crew or my brothers ] and i do take their advice..

One of the advice, and i remember it damn clear

“whats past lil brother, remains as the past. Remember what I say cause it helps you not be in the shits that i’m in..”

Yes I do remember that advice although the problem with me is, the past is something that i’ll always remember. The past, great or horrible, is something that i love to look back at. Something that I cling on

Like how your face is still on my mind, like how i kinda panic when i see you, like how much you use to me mean to me, and like how painful it was to accept the damn fact..

But, i think i’m doing a pretty good job of covering all this and act a fool and play it cool. I mean i’m pretty sure i’m over it. Pretty sure i’m over everythang. No feelings. Not love nor hate. Like normal..

Yet i still feel haunted.. Still that thought lingers. The What Ifs… Stupid thoughts..

I have lots of stupid thoughts. Sometimes I actually think I’m paranoid. Haha. Shamir is a nutjob. Not that hard to belief. If only people actually know what I think on practically every damn thing that has happen. Shit you would be crazy too..

Im trying my best to think too much.. Urgh where the fuck is it when you need it. Skodeng uh…

Okay. I’m off. Adeus ~

Ouh ya. A skeleton Dance alone cause it has noBody to dance with. I’m a skeleton..

 

I am Fucking Lost in This Class… Yippi -.-

Well, yesterday Rizal and i went to to united square to meet up with flora and Terence for a dinner treat. And the Food is Brazilian. Damn. Its really great honestly. The chicken, the meat, the good drink [ nothing acholic ] and especially the good company.

So Now, i need to lose the weight i just put on. Trust me, its alot…

I thought that I was gonna be rusty playing soccer after a year and i was damn Right. Definately was fucking rusty but I think i did okay. Most of my teammates say i was actually better then before. But fuck it. We lost anyways.. Dont matter though. Doesnt really effect me as before.. Probably because I dont want it to..

FINALLY performances are over! Felt damn humiliated because of the Fight Club performance but i think our Item was dope. HAHA. Anyway, I still have batucada performance on wednesday night and bartizado. PLUS! Zaini might want the capoeira boys to perform for flame awards….

Puki Tiang betol penat saaaaaaak -

War?

A-ha-ha-a-hah-hahahahahahahah

Honestly i dont get this incredibly full of shit crap poop ding dong things you say.. If war is what you want then belief me, i’ll help my dad make your life hell. Promise

Yes i am 19 already. Birthday was actually the best so far. Firstly for a couple of reasons.. Lots of people actually remember! hahahaha well. I dont really care bout gifts because all i actually want when its my birthday is a wish. simple.. BUT DAMN! the gifts that i got this year is altogether is more then the gifts i had for the past 5 years. holyshit it really wasnt expected.. honestly i was speechless cause i really really didnt expect all the gift. Coming from a not so rich family, gifts doesnt come always and when it does im shocked..

List of Gifts

• Wallet
• Watch
• Cookies!
• 3 Cakes [ yeah i think i gain 3 kg cause of it]
• a gift from bandung
• Lastly [ I've been wanting it since sec 2] a G-unit Reebok Shoe

Damn!!!!!! Ouh By the way, do come to watch fightclub today! at 5 pm. Adeus~

Reflection is exactly a week away. Honestly its full of shit really.. But, its probably gonna be the performance in which the rehearsal makes me laugh my ass off. I mean if you look at the line up, its probably the capoeira people that I would look forward to chill and definately can count on to have fun.

Rizal, Faris, Syuk, Yan, Kero and Awang. Shit definately the best and craziest bastards around..

Okay, i havn’t been doing shit at all. I mean, I’ve been skipping school, I’ve not been going to Fyp and I definately lack sleep. I’m really really tired. Like super tired. All I can think of is sleep. Reflection rehearsal has been definately taking up too much of my time. 5 hours of rehearsing is abit stupid in my point of view but knowing Mr Zaini/GayguywhohasathingforSyuksass, he wants perfection and most of the time he gets what he wants..

Errrm I’m really tired of all this. So okay you win ouh and yeah I have been having good days. Just tired only..

EHHHHHHH!!!! Really honestly I think im becoming more like Yan. And Yan is becoming More Like Me! Holy Fuck~

Boywonder Motherfucker!

Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah…. Thats all I’ve been hearing…

Fucking Gay shit idiot pissed the crap out of me. Honestly I have no idea on how i am suppose to tell the juniors that have been fucking coming for rehearsals that they cant perform. You fucking gay fuck, they have been putting in effort in coming down for last min rehearsals and this is the thanks they get? honestly its kinda bullshit..

Totally tired that I decided to skip class. Fuck it lar eh. I dont even have a job and yet i’m soo busy.. Erm kompang, gamelan, kickboxing, capoeira and school. Yippi -.- Damn with all this, not to mention trying to balance all this fuck activities and also adding the fact that i need to remember i have a fucking family, its an absolute killer..

Hmmmm home has suprisingly been what it should be : home. I guess now I can come to understand [ even if its a little ] that my dad is a ego fuck maniac. This also goes the same to my mentally unstable mum. HAHA. Medical check up is on the first feb.. Cool. This means I have lots of time to fuck my system up and get rid of the shit. Fabolouso~

Hmmmm… Let me think. Should I forgive you?

Shamir being nice would say..

Farah told me that I’m angry because I cant let go. Aside from all the BULLSHIT that you do to me, you actually are a nice lovable person. Shit, if you ain’t, what makes you think i’ll fall for you? Plus if this is what you want then I hope you be happy. Just give me time to calm down and i’ll be fine and we be talking soon no problem

Shamir Being Shamir would say..

HAHAHAHAHHA. Hmmmmm Why ask for it? actually takpe uh. Da biase pon. You know im actually suprise you realise you Fucked Up. Wow [ claps hands ] thats a shocker.. blah blah blah. Like everyone else, thats all I hear from you. Down the year? guilt? HAHA okay. right.. You really dont know me.. When I stop forgiving someone, it really means I will never forget and I’ll never forgive. You clearly have no idea that i’ll never let that hate towards you go. You can say im an asshole. I’ll just say you deserve it..

Come to think of it. I think i’ll be myself..

Later I’m having this super lame cousin bonding shit that i have to go cause they ‘want’ me to be there and my dad wants me to be there. W-T-F? Cousins? Hell I probably dont even know half, no no, about 3/4 of them and I dont even know you people existed and now a bonding? Son of a Bitch 19 years you all never talk to me and I dont even know we are related and this pops up?! Bitches, I was happy not knowing I had so many cousins. Why cant you fuckers just dont give a fuck bout me cause i swear to god I REALLY dont give a fuck bout all of yall…

Ouh wells, dont matter. Meeting Farah later. Adeus Poha~

Haha

3 fucking 40 in the damn morning of a school day.. I swear that this is not needed. What the fuck is it that you want to show me??!! Was I not tortured enough but what’s happening in reality and now even in my dreams you must tortured me with fucked up dreams. I DON’T FUCKING NEED IT DAMN IT.

I’ve been fucking running away from this so why fucking bring it up!? Fuck you, you understand me. I don’t need to hear about her in my dreams. I don’t fucking need to think about her at all. What the fuck is it that all you fuckers want?! I’m like losing my fucking mind here typing this shit out in the fucking morning, in a way not daring to sleep back because I’ll see or hear that about that shit again.

I swore I’ve never woke up feeling more pissed or angry or frustrated or sad or whatever the fuck you would like to call this feelings. Yes it’s fucking irritating the fuck out of me yes its eating me up inside and yes motherfucker its making my god damn blood boil.

Fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you all.. I really do sound like I’m losing my fucking mind on this. FUCK LAR. Shit it’s just a dream.. Come to think about it, because it’s a fucking dream that I’m absolutely losing my cool about it. Can’t I at least get a break, huh? I’m tired of reading only to get pissed to the point I feel like murdering someone. I’m tired of thinking till my mind is mind fucked sideways. I’m tired of hoping cause there is nothing to hope for and I’m tired of wonder what the fuck is it that you want.. I feel like hammered shit practically everyday and now I feel like hammered shit getting piss on and pass to pigs to feed on, on a silver plate with bird droppings for toppings. Stupid Fucking Fucktard.

I’m going to hurt someone real bad real soon. I wonder who… And it’s reasons like this that I doubt what Flora said.. What a Fine Young Man I’ll Turn Out To Be.. Yippi Ya Yeah Motherfucker~

———————————————————————————————

Somehow I’m beginning to see a dim light in this very dark place..