Final

Now, I really do need to type down some shit sometimes but, well, come to think of it. I kinda feel like this thing here, might be the reason why sometimes I just like to call you or hope to bump to you or whatever.

So, before I sign off, fuck this shit and leave, just a couple of things incase whoever that reads,  would want to know

• I’m still doing capoeira.
• I’m still in rp -.-
• I’m attached (lets hope this remains)
• I’m a horrible friend sometimes
• I’m sick of my life now
• Nothing is above my family and capoeira
• I’m not doing kickboxing ( chances are, I might stop)
• Still a g-unit fan
• I’m trying to mend some bonds that was broken
• I wank so that I wont be depressed.
• Yeah I am a pakistani
• Yeah my eyes scan
• Yeah i’m proud to say that i’m damn good at it too
• Asses over breasts
• I did go to a club, but to perform. Clubbing is a really stupid habit
• Lastly, I really dont thin the world would end 2012, but if it does, then fuck it anyways

Well.. If you wanna know about me, say hi personally and say your name too! I tend to forget names but remember faces.

I’ll end this with a fuck you too and have a nice day:)

Well i had to the feeling to type. i went online for about an hour and realise that on one was online. well it’s a school night so okay then whatever.

anyway, ever had the feeling where you heard an old song then like you start to bump and nod your head thinking yeah this was the shit back then. I just had it. Then i kinda had this old memories of  last year.

Alot kinda  happen. I have this habit of sometimes thinking what if this wasnt this and what if i did that and that happen. Would i still be where  i am now?

Honestly. I’m not really sure how i feel. I’m suppose to be happy. Yet  sometimes i would just feel ass irritated. Sometimes i just dont want to be bothered by stuff. Sometimes i just want you to not be so clingy and stuff. Sometimes i just wanna say fuck all this and fuck off.

See the funny thing is, this is what i want. Come to think of it, she really did change me. Or maybe i just forgot how does a real relationship felt like. but my friends say that this is not good.  I dont know.  I wonder sometimes how long will this continue.

Will i still be where am i at now in 5 months time?  I dont know..

By the way.  I would really like the Darth Vader shoes, fuck with you a little longer, mess your relationship, give you the treat that i owe, grab your ass more cause it really looks good, call you a slut, go out with one more date with you, totally humiliate you and lastly, tell you to not bother me with your stupid little crap cause you totally aint my bestie.

Aside from the first point, all the others are about different girls before i met you:)

Ouh fuck i actually forgot i had a blog.

Ouh well fuck it. Im not interested to blog anything anymore so when i do, it means i remembered i have one and that i think i need to write it.

I think

What else you want me to say? Hows life? erm good. Hows studies? I’m in year four cause i purposely fucked up my second sem just so i can prolong Working. Btw, I’m signing on to Civil Defense so that i can make easy money and have time to meet friends.

Now what else… Erm family is good. I mean no one is dead. I’ve lost 2 friends already. Both of it kinda help me realise that people die and thats how it is, faster.  So, when you’re down, get the good stuff and have some stoning time or whatever time to yourself. It helps you get over it.

Well. Thats about it. Good night Pora.

Saleisha Zaluna. Absolutely cool name

Aiyaaaaa

Wow. okay this dumb girl from Rp kinda made loads of buzz when she posted some dumb shit from her blog. She totally kinda fucked her life in my opinion. What a dumbass. I wont say what she did. I mean i think all of RP knows. Just know that I think that she should cut her hair bald, look like a guy and knock some tooth out so that people wont recognize her. LOL

what a retard really. anyway, i guess my message is fucking clear enough. yippi! anyway, tmrs my FYP presentation and i think i’m gonna fuck it up really. double the yippi. I’m going to pakistan soon[ yessa! ] and honestly im hoping to go there to have a holiday but it’s kinda fat hope really.. fuck lar. stupid relatives. Go fuck yourself with a durian then pour fuel and burn your asses bitch cock suckers…

I

Miss

You

bench warmer

I always like to think that i’m not. I mean in practically all that i like to do, i belief that im at least okay with it.

I mean, my GPA is 2.1 [ not including this semester] i was captain of my schools rugby team[ even though my school aint that good at all]  Captain of my soccer team [ im not the best player ] champion of under 60 kg all styles martial arts competition [ that was definately my finest moment as a martial artist ] and i’m pretty sure im solid in capoeira.

So yeah i think i’m not a second hand thing when it comes to what i do. none the less even though im not sure whats the link to this and what i’m about to say i just feel like stating some facts [ boasting is more like it ]

Honestly, i’m disgusted really. Shit i thought i was at least something to you. Turns out, im just a substitute. Just like the girls before, hah im wrong. I actually thought you were really different. You were the light when i was in hell last year. You were that someone i would love to see everyday.

Like every other girl, you thought you were different. uhhhh riiight. So much for that. you are just the same as the rest. Confuse as fuck and every bit the same as the rest. Dumbass.

So, bacen, fuck your life and you too.

This is a warning to all. I aint a fucking substitute when you are having problems with your date, bf or ex. Fuck off. I already got mine.  _|_

Adeus pora ~

My forehead write “Im not a bench warmer no more. I’m a starter now”

Read between the lines and understand what the heck i mean..

Like Jay-Z said it, ‘on to the next one!’

I’ll write proper when i have the time.

Adeus Pora

BRB

To whoever that happens to read this blog, just be patient, i’m alittle busy with my shits.

btw, I think that I’ve found something that i’ve been searching..

FUCK YEAH

Decisions

I think that sometimes, we take things for granted. I’ve come to agree that usually people will indeed act a fool with what they have and not appreciate things that are in their hands or things that are theirs.

When you decide to do something. Think.. Are you really going to get anything from what are about to do. Is it a guarantee? Like how many of you out there is sure that the risk you take  will pay off? I have experience or have seen countless of people taking risks and usually  it doesnt pays off. The funny thing is that most of this risks  involve losing something to gain another and this, is really  fucked up.

I should know.  I did it before and it sure as hell is something that I regret but at the same time, we all learn from the shits we do or get. If the phrase ‘what goes around  comes back around’ then hell i’m pretty sure I’m doing a good job.

I cheated on my ex and end up my girlfriend cheated on me. Fair enough? I do think that that shit was fair. Me cheating and getting cheated  at. And then comes the fucked up part. They say karma has a way of biting people in the ass. hmmmm. Then karma must have really tear me a new asshole cause I’ve always end up on the bad side. Unlucky or whatever you call it, This is me ranting out my bad luck on love. 4 years. 5 dates. All fucked up. So, I think now its my turn to return this  fucked up karma placed on me to others. I feel that its a fair deal. I didnt do shit but apparently shit do me. So now, I do shit to others.

And somehow, after doing ‘karma’,i realise that I actually didnt like it.  I  kinda realise how much of an asshole/player like/ matrep mentality like/ fucking hell the list goes  on, on what I’m doing. So I  stop. And now the one that I’m tumbling over is moving away. So now what? Should I wait? Chances are she will be gone for 5 years more or less . Am I to wait that long? Best still is that how sure am I that I will get her? HaH! Now  I’m caught in a dilemma. I’ve  always been sure about who I fall for. I cant remember when was the last time that I’m caught in a situation where I am the one forced to let go.. Long distance relationship  is just  absolutely crappy..

Last night phone call simply made my week i think. But in a way,  god damn this just makes the  inevitable more painful.. The more  I think about it,  the more I cant bare with it. This sucks.. How can I continue to fall and try to get her  knowing damn well that this is a mistake. Heck it was already a mistake from the start. She already show signs of pushing me away. Haha, and yet I know somehow that she  feels the same. She just dont want me to feel fucked up when she goes away…

How I really hate this part, this situation now… In a way, I’m already trying to walk away. Difficult yes but it  is necessary. I cant sit here and watch her leave with my feelings  pin on her. No. I guess I just have to withdraw from this.. I cant stand another letdown. Too painful. Too much to bare in a year.  I know too that she knows we cant be together. Her  life is already fucked up and I’m somewhat part  of that reason.. i have to be that better person to leave so that it will be easier for her.. how I hate this decision..

I have to go now before it’s too late. I’ll be there for you just  as a friend. Nothing more..

May god bless you bacen. Good bye.

Decisions decisions decisions ~

Fathers

Thrash. I feel like thrash. I wonder how useless I can be..

My dad, he likes to talk. At times it can be annoying because when I reach home, he talks to me. you know when I reach home, i prefer to just sit back chill and relax. Afterall, my life is like a train. Always busy with something. Always hectic and the train only stops when i’m home. So when I’m home, I like to rest. Think of nothing. Maybe talk to afew people and then I concuss.

But today, something happen. Something hit me like a tsunami. Hard and devastating.. What am I doing honestly? I feel that I’m wasting my time. I’m not going class. Doing stupid things. Wasting time and doing things that doesnt benefit me at all. Passing each day with no thoughts of tomorrow. Aimless as usual…..

Today he talk something very logical. Something that I myself didnt look at. Today, when he talk, it hit me more then it usually does It made sense and yeah it hurts. I think my dad has a gift. He dont even have to touch you but you already feel like he just slap you right across the face..My grandfathers last words to my dad were to think of yourself before you think of others…

Selfish? Maybe. But it’s logical. Why do I waste my time playing some dumb instruments, getting paid peanuts when I can really work my ass off getting good money? Why? I know that I dont enjoy this anymore so why bother? I always think of them. But when do I think of myself? I never think of myself really. My dad says that I dont even have time to myself. I dont even think of my family. I dont do the housework,I dont study hard when I should and I dont respect my parents.

Disgusted with Myself.

I feel that I should change. What he said to me made sense. Lots of sense.. I should indeed cut down on my activities. I should help out my family more and my friends too. You know that things aren’t right when your own bestfriend have suicidal thoughts.. That Just scares me. It just shows how am I not able to help out. Not able to reach out.. My mum, her hands has this skin problem and its like her skin gets dried up and cracks. She sometimes would bleed from it and it hurts her. Knowing this and yet I dont help her out. I dont do the dishes or even throw the rubbish. what the fuck am I doing really..

I somewhat feel very disappointed with myself. What kind of a son am I?

So when you think that your father talks no sense. Think again. Maybe you should be in their shoes and think from their perspective. You might see things differently. I hope that i’ll change really. All this is just making me feel even more disappointed with myselfwehen i already am. fuck.

Change.. Thats all he ask for..